Thought-2

Why was i trying to be bad ..or may be not bad but proving myself to be worse than the people i was in relationship with. I was bend over in showing everybode that i was the bully instead of being bullied by someone else. What was this constant need to prove everyone that I was never a bechari. The constant need to showing everyone that I had control whereas basically everything around me was falling apart.I couldnot bear the pain of seeing my parents look at me with pity. They can look at me like a brat and regret that why we made her so strong rather than cry at my situation thinking why did this happen to our only daughter. Their honor lies ahead of me and i take it my hands and preserve it.It's needed ..although inside of me everything could die but i will preserve it till my last day because thats needed.. they are the nurturers and they should feel proud of their upbringing.they shouldnot be made to feel shame.

Note* So I get the solutions through writing.. its a therapy that leads me to peace!!!!!!!!!